hey, Serina

you dont have to read this rn, and honestly i dont know if you'll actually like this haha but its a way i can express making a unique thing for you that holds meaning to hopefully both of us. i dont have the perfect words for this, i even lost some when i was making it, but i still wanted to try You have been such a huge part of my life for so long that it is hard to even put into words what you mean to me, So much of my growing up has you in it, So many memories that matter to me have you in them, So many places remind me of moments we shared, So much comfort and safety in my life came from you. You were my person for such a long time. I used to get so excited looking forward to sitting with you at the lunch table, calling you on discord after school, and hearing you explain music to me till my ears fall off. the way we would enter social events together and feel connected without having to say anything is something ive always cherished. I've said this a lot, but the feeling of me and you vs the world is something i deeply value. It's a unique bond ive only ever had with you. skipping prom to go to freddys all dressed up, and watch a movie on my futon thrown in the living room was honestly the best prom experiece i could have asked for. Sharing those first intimate parts of life with you is something I'll always hold close and never regret. Having you at my side while going to mcc, making new friends, but always having my short rock to feel at home with was wonderful. somewhere along that line things changed, I know we've changed a lot in the 9 years we've known eachother and the four we dated, and im aware that the future i fantasize include variables that you dont want. i get that haha but even with that, i still wanted you to know that loving you mattered to me. being with you mattered to me, and the time we shared together really matters to me. And being yours meant more to me than I think I'll ever know how to say. I also want to say that im sorry. I know *I know* i've made mistakes. theres been nights you wanted me and i wasn't there. events you wanted to experience with me that i missed. times you really just wanted to hear my voice, and call and feel together with me, and i dropped the ball. and im so, so sorry for that. I am sorry for the way i let work, school, stress, and everything else take too much of me. i am sorry for the moments where i did not show up the way you deserved. i am sorry for the times i made you feel less chosen than you should have felt. you deserved, and deserve, attention, care, softness, and so much effort. and i know there were times i did not give enough of that, especially as university hit, and i started making mistakes left and right. you fell into a depressive mood, while spending in my nights in my arms. I neglected your wants when i should have listened. and i let an emotional state and stress get the best of me and said something i will always regret. despite all this, i still hope you believe that i care about you. because i do, i really really do. i let the security and safety i felt in our relationship allow me to neglect it and leave you hanging on multiple occasions and in multiple ways. i am so, so sorry for the ways i've treated you, and for the moments ive let pass. *breathe* I am not writing this to ask you for anything i am not writing it to pressure you or change your mind or feelings i just did not want these words to go unsaid no matter what happens, i will always be grateful for you. For your time, your love, your patience, and your presence, and for all the parts of my life that were better with you in them. i still cant imagine going to an anime convention with anyone else i dont think i could walk around in chicago with the same comfort i felt walking with you anime that makes me expressive, feels lonely without you to talk to and exclaim at. there are just so many occasions, so many situations, where i felt 1000% less alone, when you were by my side, or within reach. and ill always treasure that. You will always matter to me and a part of me will probably always love you (curse of the andersons ugh) thank you for being such an important piece of my life Thank you for being my person for so long. That meant everything to me. As for all the gifts and everything tonight, I just wanted to be present. I wanted you to feel loved, cherished, and thought about. That matters to me. I love you Serina. - dom